Talk with a teen just off of the adhd medication Vivance:

'Everything used to be to achieve a purpose. I was hyperfocused on everything. Even when I masterbated, I sat there like 'I have to keep going until I cum' now I can relax'

More thoughts on why kids + add medications do not mix.
This sophomore was very vulgar, apologies.

Freshman sax #1 (she moved from 4 to 1 because she is pretty good and because of this) was talking to me, I pulled up my sleeve to find the welp I suspected to be there from a sabre/arm collision earlier.
She gasped, 'Wow' she said in her cute spanish accent, 'your skin is so pale!'
That made my day.
In unrelated news- I broke 3 nails with rifle & sabre tosses yesterday.

Paranormal Activity

I went to see the film Paranormal Activity recently.
The plot is that this girl has been haunted since she was 8. Her bf (with whom she has recently begun living) buys a camera & records them sleeping & stuff. They start to put together that it is a demon and the stuff gets weirder and more intense.
I had to sleep with the light on after watching this movie!
The film has believable characters and isn't completely a contrived gorefest like a lot of horror movies (Saw 1-999). While it doesn't have the sympathetic villian from The Ring (a murdered little girl who kills ppl), it has the neat-o 'found footage' aspect of The Blair Witch Project (which was filmed in my hometown) with better film quality and effects.
I give this movie a 5 out of 5.

Today has been a craptastic piece of crap on a stick. If today were a lingering bad smell, even i would smell it.
I had senior night for marching band. People made the seniors posters. I didn't have a poster. I didn't have any friends.
as we began changing into uniforms, my bag was missing. I cried, looked, screamed. Some super-douche knocked it down, it was in between the racks, all scrunched.
the whole stupid feetball game I kept almost crying. Not because graduation and no more band, but because I kept getting super deppressed.
when I got home I ate a ton of hummus. Yes, hummus. That is my comfort food.
I have to get up early and practice tomorrow and I still need to shower today.
That was just today. I had a whole week of poo.

My hair looks so much thicker now! And it is curlier since there is less weight pulling down!
All five of my votes (I get five, the average is 1) go to cutting your own hair. Even if you get a bad haircut, it is a fun story!

The students of my High School are organizing something really...interesting - Friday morning after the first bell rings, there will be a group hug in the main hallway by the bookstore. There is a big FWD message about it being circulated. Teachers are welcome to join.
I do not know if this is a social protest against war or something the school is doing (the school has a strict no-PDA policy), or just people trying to share the love. Either way, at least part of the 2000 member student body will be embracing their peers at 7:50 am Friday morning until they have to go to class or until the hug is broken up by teachers and staff.

I just cut about 4 inches off of my hair. It was so long - butt level - that it was unmanageable.
I showered and conditioned, then took the little scissors in my sewing kit, brushed it out. Snip, snip, snip. It is a little longer in back, but it is so curly that no one will notice.
I love how cheap it is to cut my own hair. Luckily I have never had a bad experience... Yet. One day I will end up with a self-inflicted mullet. Until then, it's the Jew way, or no way...

I am 7 days into being a person who uses porcelana (2% hydroquinone) for overall skin whitening.
I have noticed a slight difference so far, hopefully i will continue to get lighter.
As for side-effects: i avoid sunlight so i don't know about burning, but my skin is behaving the way fair skin does.
I was out in the cold for two hours for band practice (donning spf and a hat), and when i came inside, my cheeks had turned pink from the cold. It didn't hurt like sunburn, but that has never happened - i'm slavic/middle eastern, it shouldn't.
also- my face and neck are pale and my arms tan, i wear long sleeves and bleach my arms as well, but i can't seem to get them light...
Overall i would say this is a good thing, hopefully it stays that way!

A lot of teenagers would be really beautiful. There are girls at my highschool could be the most amazing girls ever.
But their mannerisms! They stand with bad posture, walk gracelessly, carry themselves like trash...
My generation just doesn't know what to do with what they have.
I miss petticoats.

Thank you, life. I had a nice break, i saw my boyfriend for the 1st time in a week, the day was looking great...
Then you punched me in the face.
bam, mood swing around 1:30. I was too depressed for swing dancing.
then marching band - i just couldn't do anything right and it was either too hot or too cold outside. Anger came from that, the frustration built, i wanted to cry... Back to the deppression. Winters are the worst. Everything starts to suck... I can wear my favorite outfit, kiss my wonderful boyfriend, and still feel the winter sneaking into me, stopping me from being happy.
Winters are the worst.

Today In History:
singer/songwriter John Lennon (The Beetles) was born in 1940, today is his 69th birthday.
Famous for his politics, his music, and that trademark Beetles hair, Lennon was there to urge those 60's youth into activism and love.
The US government suspected him of being a communist for a long while. And with songs like 'I am the Walrus,' who didn't?
whatever Lennon's politics, his short life left a mark on the history of culture and music that not even Oxi-Clean can get out.

For Act Like A Time Traveller Day i was thinking of being me from the near future, & caught in some explosion that sent me back in time. As the day progressed i would realize what happened, what day it was, and i would start searching for why and how. I think i should only go back maybe a month. And i need to find my past self inexplicably absent... Maybe i became my past self when we collided... (alternatively my twin sis could be me 4 the day & i could avoid her)
Costume would be basic - i was blasted back home, so i might have some bruises, but i could change clothes.
If i can't work that one out very well maybe i'll just do the utopian future thing... Time tourist in upper class steampunk garb...
They could both be cool if done right...

Standardized Testing

They coral students into icy rooms where the buzz of an air conditioner overpowers everything. The guy next to you always smells bad, taps things, and/or smacks his gum. You scribble & scratch, dreading the consequential onset of carpal tunnel syndrome.
They begin with something easy - reading. It lulls you into a false sense of security.
Then BAM! The math section. You have twenty seconds a question, you learned this stuff in freshman Algebra, you have no idea what to do, you sit your freshly-sharpened pencil on the table and pray. The timer goes off & you wasted your time praying.
Standardized testing. What can you do? The test is sent off & they compare you to other students as if everyone is the same. If i wasn't in the top 10%, i would hate it...

The decision to actually put chemical skin lighteners on your skin is not something to take lightly. In some cases it can do crazy things to a person's skin, and there is no way to know how your skin is going to react.
Pale skin is beautiful, i will admit that, but the yearning for it should not be so important that people put their health at risk. You have to choose a safe skin lightener. I hope i chose right... You'll be hearing about it...

Today in History: Beat

October 7, 1955 Allen Ginsberg read his poem "Howl" at the Six Gallery in San Francisco. The Six Gallery had been an auto repair shop, and now it was an art gallery — the sculptures on display were orange crates covered in cloth and dipped in plaster of paris. The reading was intended to promote the new gallery. The poet Kenneth Rexroth organized the reading, and in preparation, he introduced Gary Snyder to Allen Ginsberg. Ginsberg introduced everyone to Jack Kerouac, and they became the core of the group of writers known as the Beats. For the Six Gallery event, Allen Ginsberg and Gary Snyder sent out postcard invitations, and more than 100 people turned up. Rexroth, Snyder, and Ginsberg were scheduled to read, along with Philip Whalen, Philip Lamantia, and Michael McClure.

They asked the guests to donate money for drinks, and Jack Kerouac headed out and bought four jugs of red wine, which got passed around while the poets read.

Ginsberg was the second to the last to read, and he started at about 11 p.m. He was 29 years old, and he had never participated in a poetry reading before. He started off in a quiet voice. But as he read, he found his rhythm, and he took a deep breath before each of the long lines in "Howl" and then said each line in one breath. Jack Kerouac chanted "Go, go, go" in rhythm while Ginsberg read, and the audience went wild.

The reading got a lot of publicity, and Ginsberg became a celebrity, even more so a year later when he published Howl and Other Poems (1956) and it was banned for obscenity, taken to trial, and managed to defy censorship laws.

"Howl" begins with the famous lines:
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn
looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly
connection to the starry dynamo in the machin-
ery of night

This is a must for every Beatnik or member of the darkly inclined.

I once read this poem while deppressed and figured out what Ginsberg was trying to say. Not exactly good for deppressed readers... But i won't spoil that for anyone...

I feel like it is going to be an icey winter...

Last winter was the Kentucky Ice Storm (of doom).

As winter rolls on, we all feel that urge to buy our generators and that constant worry that this is going to be another big one - another two weeks without power in the freezing cold stuck at my family's farm, miles from the nearest town or country store...

Skin Lighteners

Throughout history women have used extreme means to get pale, beautiful skin. This goes from taking milk baths to using arsenic and mercury based skin lighteners. Even skin lighteners nowadays are questioned by potential users - are they safe? are they effective? will they screw me up really badly? are they worth it?
Of course arsenic based skin lighteners are dangerous, and of course mercury makes people go crazy.
But the FDA approves of hydroquinone, something they certainly would not do for Madame de Pompadour's arsenic skin bleach. But... does that make it safe?

On the Drugstore.com site for hydroquinone, it lists things to avoid while on this medication:
Sun
harsh chemicals on the skin

Now, if a person wanted light skin they would already be avoiding the first. and i will stop using the harsh products i was using (homemade lighteners and such) for a while, if only to avoid the more unpleasant side-effects.

Side-Effects:
skin irritation
burning
itching
it also says that you may become more sensitive to weather extremes...
That might not bode too well for marching band... it is getting cold here already...


I would need a prescription to get higher than 2% hydroquinone, so I went to Walgreen's and bought some 2% - it was 3OZ for 7 US$. It was called Porcelana, it is a night time fading cream. i hear good things about it on the internet and am willing to try.
As a person who hates spending money, this had better lighten the heck out of my skin...
In all reality, my Jewish/Native American/Slavic skin will probably never be as light as i want it... Can any cream really give a girl beauty? Hopefully i will find out that the answer is yes in 2-4 weeks...

My parents raised me to be judgemental. Do my friends' parents hate her and lie for my twin and i? Yes. Did their parenting style screw up and make me like stuff that they don't? Definitely. Strict parenting- bad idea. <3 u, mum & dad!

If you want me to discuss something...

my email is khajiit1@live.com or leave a comment...

you need recipes, ideas, advice on what to do now that you got high and lost your virginity to a member of the same sex...
I'm good, i can blog about anything you want to know...

and if you follow me on twitter you will get little bursts of happiness every time i tweet...

i will even help you with your homework! (if you help me with mine)

Vegans and Skin Bleach

I am vegan... I am also a goth with olive skin.

In the world of folk skin bleaching, those things do not mix.

The main ingredients in skin bleaches are milk, yogurt, and lemon juice.
So, basically, i have to find new solutions.

Instead of the traditional milk bath, we sprinkle baking soda in our baths, we use lemon juice as a toner, we use oatmeal on our skin, etc...

The real key here: Becoming nocturnal.

it's the only way i see to stop looking so darn tan. i will import bleach from Japan and wear 100 spf all the time even though i sleep all day...

Nah, that sounds difficult...
I will just buy the bleach, wear sunscreen, and generally avoid sun...
And accept that i will never look like Nicole Kidman :(

Bluebery Nom Cookies (bars)

On my list of things to do before i die, number 13, was inventing a cookie.

i don't have pictures, but i invented what came out like a cake, so they are bars/cake/cookies.

Ingredients:
1 cup blueberries
1 1/2 cup flour (up to 2 cups to make batter thicker)
2 V-Eggs (vegan eggs are made by combining 1 Tbsp milled flax seed with 3 Tbsp water and leaving to sit while you prepare the rest of the recipe)

1/3 cup powdered sugar (ish)
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/3 (+) cup white sugar

1/3 cup oil
1/2 cup soy milk (i used vanilla, any is fine)
1/2 tsp bicarbonate soda (baking soda)
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
dash of salt

Mix Stuff in a bowl
heat oven to 350 degrees F
pour mixture into pan
bake 25-30 minutes
Let cool!!!
cut into squares

Devour hungrily...

Now to procure a bandwagon...

Colours...

So there are like, a zillion shades of red... and first i need to go blonde.
i can't just do blonde then wait, because my parental unit will go crazy and i would make an uggo blonde.
so it looks like i will buy one shade of red and a shade of blonde, just streak blonde through (my hair is drastically darker on top so mostly there) and leave a few darker spots. then go over it with red. then when i decide to add more colour i will put in a shade to compliment the results...


That also begs the question: should i go for the supergoth look o bright red?
















Or should i go for the more traditional look even though my skin is darker and olive?

Red Hair on People who are obviously not gingers...

Red hair and dark skin is always a strong contrast. people with dark skin may strive to have these luscious red locks that stand out in a crowd. It may look fabulous on some, but some just can't pull it off.

A lot of people would argue that these darker women and men should just accept their natural color. it's only the right thing to do.

And a good many would say that we can never compete with the natural beauty of natural redheads





















Who says we have to look natural to be pretty?
Now, I'm not saying we should all go out, buy hair dye kits and make out locks red, but i am saying, I'm going to do it!

I will post pictures when i have hair like flames.
And you can tell me if i look like a clown!

I think i might be a bear...

You know how bears gain weight and sleep a lot during the winter?

well, every single winter i gain 15-ish pounds and i sleep a lot.
this could just be SAD, or i could be hibernating!

Yeah, I'm a bear...
Is anyone else a bear?
No matter how much you run on the treadmill you can't seem to not gain winter weight and once summer hits you lose it all?