Before You Turn Away

2010-08-26T20:37:00.001-07:00

I wonder if it would be better if I hadn't told him. If I were a girl of action instead of self-preservation.

2010-08-25T17:56:00.001-07:00

I don't even know who to talk to anymore.

2010-08-20T20:20:00.001-07:00

Humans have an enormous capacity for evil... I've recently come to grips with mine.

2010-08-15T21:07:00.001-07:00

The man I love is getting his tonsils removed tomorrow... I should not be worried about such a routine procedure. But I'm scared. I'm really scared.

2010-08-15T16:34:00.001-07:00

Like to think of when I smoked my first cigarette...It was with my pedophile neighbor. I was 17 & really stressed. I love the things now. But don't ever smoke.

2010-08-14T10:10:00.001-07:00

My family's small business is closing because of the economy. Don't tell me stimulus is too expensive. Don't tell me the economy is better...

2010-08-13T18:54:00.001-07:00

The other side of me is taking over. And I can't stop it anymore. I'm worried about my future, about humanity.

2010-08-12T23:42:00.001-07:00

I'm leaving this town, he might be leaving this town. I should get over him. I shouldn't cry myself to sleep over a man.

2010-08-12T20:08:00.001-07:00

I keep having to tell myself I am not going to kill myself or anyone else... Myself is unconvinced.

2010-08-10T12:02:00.001-07:00

Saying the things I want to say would be creepy. And I wouldn't be able to stand myself... But I guess I already can't.

2010-08-09T10:46:00.001-07:00

I am utterly unprepared to be an adult and totally scared.

2010-08-09T04:48:00.001-07:00

Hi, I'm Sandi, and I'm from an alternate dimension full of pure happiness and obscurely named junk... Your dimension just isn't cool enough.

2010-08-06T09:47:00.001-07:00

If you picture the innocent version of her from our early high school years, these thoughts I'm having are downright sickening.

2010-08-06T04:05:00.001-07:00

Since Al Qaeda hates gays so much, if u do 2, u should just abandon ur American lifestyle & b an idiot like them! I've got a pile of rocks & a couple ex gfs...

2010-08-05T11:27:00.001-07:00

I've been dumping people because I don't really want them. I want him. And that's all there is. But he can't do that.

2010-08-01T21:44:00.001-07:00

Almost ended my life earlier... The suicide note was mostly telling my family to exploit my suicide and use it to get on Oprah.

2010-08-01T13:36:00.001-07:00

I bet my parents & siblings could get on Oprah if I kill myself... They should definitely exploit it if I do. I'm going to exploit all of their deaths...

2010-08-01T13:02:00.001-07:00

I don't know that I can take this anymore.

2010-07-30T01:02:00.001-07:00

I'll never make that deep connection. I can't. I don't exist beyond this. I'm just made to hurt and scorn. I'm good at it.

2010-07-30T00:59:00.001-07:00

There is something really wrong with me. I don't know what it is. And if I did I probably couldn't fix it. I'm completely screwed. & I don't understand why.

2010-07-29T23:48:00.001-07:00

"Pills can't fix an existential crisis." "Wanna bet?"

2010-07-29T21:27:00.001-07:00

If u donate 2 the paypal Nailz1234@yahoo.com & help save a family's home, u'll b my new favorite person (which has it's benefits)... (Those being free hugs)

2010-07-29T15:30:00.001-07:00

I try to be good. I help people who need help & try all I can... But I'm really a terrible person & I can't change it.

2010-07-29T02:51:00.001-07:00

Dear boys, stop being so cute, I'm not going for that right now. Love, Sandi

2010-07-28T23:59:00.001-07:00

Must convince myself I'm gay so I don't flirt with boys... Ahh, struggle! :(

2010-07-28T22:04:00.001-07:00

I told him I didn't feel it. I'm with her. I like her... But I can't stand it when he's sad.

2010-07-28T21:36:00.001-07:00

I wish I could hurry up & sell my plasma so I could lose this weight I gained to sell it.

2010-07-28T12:44:00.001-07:00

I kno a family w/ a 3month old baby. They lose the house in 6days if we don't come up w/ the $. We made a paypal 4 donations: Nailz1234@yahoo.com Anything helps

2010-07-27T01:04:00.001-07:00

4 my comic book: 1) create stupid characters. 2) Write crappy dialog. 3) Offend Every1. 4) Write vague/disturbing disclaimer. 5) Grossly overprice the crap.

2010-07-24T17:57:00.001-07:00

I like women who look like they could kill me.

2010-07-24T15:42:00.001-07:00

Attractive women in skimpy clothes. Roller derby with Aunt Ann. Fuck I'm a closet case to her.

2010-07-24T10:51:00.001-07:00

It would be so sacreligious if my girlfriend's text tone went off in the middle of church. I would lol. Ans go to Hell :)

2010-07-23T11:55:00.001-07:00

Donate to help a family keep their house. The paypal is Nailz1234@yahoo.com

2010-07-23T01:27:00.001-07:00

I don't believe in belief or reality anymore. None of this or all of this could be real. And I'm doubting anything I don't like.

2010-07-22T23:54:00.001-07:00

I need a fuck buddy. Since real love is just a bad idea.

2010-07-22T22:53:00.001-07:00

If I walk down this hallway, insanity is the only end. If I turn back, I die... Lets pause & be glad for a moment that the hallway doesn't have tacky curtains.

2010-07-22T16:32:00.001-07:00

If you marry me, that means you have committed a great sin and I am your eternal punishment.

2010-07-22T01:37:00.001-07:00

I told him. It was an edited version of the truth, but I did tell him.

2010-07-22T00:52:00.001-07:00

Sexuality is a big jumbled mess and we should all just love who we love and stop being uptight bitches about it.

2010-07-22T00:48:00.001-07:00

Then again, I'm also in love with one of my friends... How anyone believes I'm gay is beyond me...

2010-07-22T00:47:00.001-07:00

The "Take Me Out" scene in the movie version of Rent always gets me. Damn. How anyone believes I'm straight is beyond me...

2010-07-21T02:21:00.001-07:00

Hey, I didn't know insomnia was a symptom of early stage schizophrenia. I learned that while I was not sleeping. How exciting!... Yea, looks like I'm crazy.

2010-07-20T16:39:00.001-07:00

Just got a wedding invitation from my friends Sandy & Brad! That's crazy! Weren't we all just kids recently?

2010-07-20T15:02:00.001-07:00

I think it's amazing that people all over the world can share their lives and never meet each other. We can be alone in life. And billions can know.

2010-07-19T20:36:00.001-07:00

It's nights like these when the thirst is my enemy, not the emptiness.

2010-07-18T23:47:00.001-07:00

The only truth left to accept is that there is no truth to know. I can never know what is real or what is right. Ever. And that scares me.

2010-07-18T18:51:00.001-07:00

We're all constantly travelling through time. We don't know it because memory is a thing of the present.

2010-07-17T21:28:00.001-07:00

Hey Steven, click my 'home page' link on twitter, look at this, and read that I think I'm in love with you and you shouldn't even want to talk to me...

2010-07-16T21:22:00.001-07:00

I am probably going to do something really stupid soon, ruin a friendship, & potentially later kill myself... Yay.

2010-07-16T00:13:00.001-07:00

My body & mind are failing at about equal rates now. Soon I won't have either. I can't handle being powerless. I can't handle this failure!

2010-07-15T23:14:00.001-07:00

I think about it, and I had all of the signs they tell you about in pamphlets. People should maybe have been more concerned...

2010-07-15T12:26:00.001-07:00

Mommy Dearest loves the phrase "It's not always the parents' fault." Yup, my parents are perfectly good, normal people/parents...in their own heads.

2010-07-14T15:43:00.001-07:00

My parents are, allegedly, considering not funding my college. So I'm probably going to be killing myself soon.

2010-07-13T20:26:00.001-07:00

I don't know who I am.

2010-07-13T18:53:00.001-07:00

Working with Stephanie for the next few days should hold me over for a while...

2010-07-13T18:38:00.001-07:00

Quote of the Day: "You should get your mom to smoke pot!" -Mandy. I like quotes that reflect my life...and they really do...

2010-07-13T02:09:00.001-07:00

I never kno if how I feel is really how I feel b/c I'm crazy & my own feelings feel less real sometimes than the irrational crap up there. I have 2 wait a week.

2010-07-12T22:29:00.001-07:00

I have a pretty great girlfriend.

2010-07-10T22:37:00.001-07:00

Would it be wrong? I know it would. Fucking with the order of things is bad. I stopped doing that for a reason. But...

2010-07-10T12:57:00.001-07:00

I sware if I keep thinking about him I'm going to cry. And thinking about other stuff is just as unhelpful.

2010-07-10T00:03:00.001-07:00

We even look perfect together. Fuck!!! Someone stop me and give me your courage so I can stop thinking about all of this and just do something!

2010-07-09T23:43:00.001-07:00

He's depressed. I'm a little depressed. I want to help him. I want him to be okay. I want us to be okay.

2010-07-08T23:50:00.001-07:00

I'm not dating the man I love. No, but I am dating a girl I care about. I just want to make sure her first kiss is with someone who cares.

2010-07-07T10:22:00.001-07:00

I wish this intrusive thought would go away. "I can kill everyone." No, no, you can't. Stfu.

2010-07-07T07:37:00.001-07:00

I am always falling for derivations of the name Stephen/Stephan. Always. And never have they loved me back. Pathetic.

2010-07-07T01:48:00.001-07:00

"I wanted to raise the kids Jewish. He wanted to sleep with men." - Will & Grace. Also my problem...

2010-07-07T01:27:00.001-07:00

Reasons to keep a diary: 1) prevents multiple homicide. 2) prevents suicide. 3) helps you not forget stuff.

2010-07-07T00:42:00.001-07:00

Know I've only been single 4 a day, but I never had these in my relationship either. I really want someone 2 hold me & 2 have intellectual conversations w/ me.

2010-07-06T13:44:00.001-07:00

I think I'm going to kill myself.

2010-07-06T04:43:00.001-07:00

A year and I didn't even get dat booty.

2010-07-06T00:28:00.001-07:00

The guy with whom I am in love broke up with my boyfriend for me.

2010-07-05T03:29:00.001-07:00

All I've ever wanted is for someone to be there for me, and I'm afraid soon there will be no one.

2010-07-05T02:14:00.001-07:00

If I'm in a relationship and we're in love, why am I so lonely?

2010-07-04T19:37:00.001-07:00

Took half an antidepressant and going to eat about 40lbs of chocolate. PMS is fun!

2010-07-04T19:36:00.001-07:00

With all the fireworks, this would be a good time to grab a boy and kiss him passionately. I'm sure my boyfriend agrees.

2010-07-04T19:23:00.001-07:00

I am on the brim of something horrible and I feel like jumping over the edge.

2010-07-04T16:12:00.001-07:00

Am I a horrible person? Someone give an honest answer already...

2010-07-04T00:35:00.001-07:00

If I blow out my brains, I think that would make everything stop. It would be cowardly & selfish, but it would all stop.

2010-07-02T23:26:00.001-07:00

The secret to never having a fight is to never talk to each other & regard the other with mild indifference. It makes you suicidal, but you won't fight.

2010-07-02T22:27:00.001-07:00

Someone destroy the part of the brain making me feel the wrong things. Even if I have to feel nothing, this is wrong.

2010-07-02T22:07:00.001-07:00

I believe in Love. I really do. I also realize that it is a total bitch that will fuck you then shit in your face & somehow leave you looking like the skank.

2010-07-02T04:52:00.001-07:00

In love with my boyfriend's best friend... How are you?

2010-06-23T19:47:00.001-07:00

I haven't said anything. But it is really fucked up.

2010-06-23T19:44:00.001-07:00

Have more necrotic flesh than I would like. Yay, cancer!

2010-06-23T19:32:00.001-07:00

Something weird is going on in my head. I have a problem with being alone. These thoughts happen when I am alone, these oddities.

2010-06-23T15:27:00.001-07:00

I hate when people about whom I care are depressed.

2010-06-23T13:32:00.001-07:00

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

2010-06-23T00:42:00.001-07:00

Long story short, we ended up not making a sex tape.

2010-06-22T18:50:00.001-07:00

The last few days are the kind of days I want to look back on fondly & realize how glorious it was to be young & stupid.

2010-06-21T20:30:00.001-07:00

I am a lot better actor than I am auditioner. Which shall destroy me forever.

2010-06-20T19:46:00.001-07:00

There is something very wrong. I am not going to be able to handle turning 18. Not at all. Just fuck my life. Really. Fuck fuck fuck.

2010-06-20T19:21:00.001-07:00

Yea, things are going to be a lot worse for me soon. I guess I'll be moving out, but getting my drivers license is not going to work...

2010-06-20T15:03:00.001-07:00

If I lost about five pounds & got on the right medication(s), I would be a really good catch.

2010-06-20T13:39:00.001-07:00

What we leave to the next generation is our decaying flesh and worthless currency.

2010-06-20T12:13:00.001-07:00

I have the coolest religion ever. Because it is your religion, & everyone else's religion too. And it is only mine.

2010-06-19T18:58:00.001-07:00

When people are mean They take the opportunity to try & make me do it. This time I feel like I might listen. This time I might die.

2010-06-19T18:50:00.001-07:00

Probably should have taken that antidepressant today.

2010-06-19T10:21:00.001-07:00

If my life were a book, it would be called 'as told by a minor character.' Some paper asked me this once. It took me 3 years to figure it out.

2010-06-18T22:32:00.001-07:00

I love how ppl like me are so prone to self-medication that websites warn against it. And yet, here I go.

2010-06-18T19:37:00.001-07:00

No matter how close we think we are, the distance is so huge that we can't really see each other. There are billions of atoms between us, so much empty space.